I'm BAAAAAACK!

I’m Baaaaaaack!

My season officially kick starts on February 10 with day one of a 20 week half iron distance training plan. I have been completing transitional workouts to get geared up for the schedule. Mostly just for time and mostly just to get into the habit of working out again. I am both excited and apprehensive about the next 10 months. Excited because I feel like I am in the best possible position to see what I am truly capable of and apprehensive (or petrified) because I know that the success or failure of my season depends all on me.

The weirdness that was 2007 gave me some important insights into who I am as an athlete. I discovered that completing races just to tick them off a list and prove that I could was not meaningful for me. I also came to terms with the fact that if you never really risk anything, you never really gain anything – physically, emotionally or otherwise. What better way to start off the new training season with new questions?

Am I ready to take some risks?

Will I risk setting aggressive goals knowing that I might not reach them?
Will I risk executing an aggressive training plan knowing that it might create conflicts with other people and priorities in my life?
Will I risk participating in challenging workouts with my friend and teammates knowing that I might be the “last one up the hill”?

As I start to answer these questions, I realize that it all comes down to fear. What do I deeply fear? We have all read stories about endurance athletes that talk about “out running” their demons and fears. From time to time, I’ve even been asked, “What are you running from?”

My demons? Primarily there is only one. She is the demon that keeps trying to convince me that I am not enough. It’s not self doubt. She is much more complicated than that. Her main function is to express my duty or the necessity to be more than I am right at this moment. She is the voice that says,”You should be faster or smarter or thinner or whatever.” I have been running to get away from her. I have always visualized her behind me, egging me on and taunting me. I am beginning to see that image hasn’t really worked for me because she is always there. I never really get rid of her. Even in my best performances, she is still there. It kind of reinforces the fact that I will never be good enough because as soon as I stop or slow she catches me. What a buzzkill! I think that we have a choice about how we look at this metaphor. Either you can try to out run your demons OR you can chase them down and kill them.

This year I am sending her out ahead of me. She will be my rabbit. I will chase her every time I get in the pool, or on the bike, or when I lace up my running shoes. Each day I prepare to accomplish the work laid out ahead of me, I will bring to the table everything I am at that moment. It will be in the accomplishing that I will chase her down and in the finishing that I will get rid of her.

So, what is behind me and pushing me along?

I need to live the longest-healthiest life possible, to be with the people I love and give as much back as I possibly can.

I need to “put it all on the line” often enough to know what I am truly capable of at that moment in time and because I like to be seen as capable by other people

I need to achieve something tangible every day and not feel guilty about it

I have a strong desire to do things that are significant and not feel guilty about that either

I have a great 2008 season planned but I need to execute with focus and consistency. I won’t get there if I let my demon chase me all season. I am going to try to keep focused on the four points above and draw on how they make me feel for my motivation. When all else fails, I will remind myself that just showing up with 100% makes me enough.