158.8

I have this internal alarm system that goes off when I reach a certain weight.  It's more like a panic button.  When it goes off I usually react by setting huge goals, restricting my calories by an unsustainable amount, and amping up my training.  This rarely works for more that a week or two, but it restarts the graph going in the right direction and usually provides me with the nudge to stay more mindful of the food I eat.  As my body mass has declined in the last few years, so has the alarm number.  First it was 175, then 165, then 160.  

This morning I weighed 158.8 pounds (insert sound of fire alarm).  I am 12 pounds more than I was at this time last year.  Granted, last year I was in the middle of training for my first 1/2 iron tri, putting in 10-12 hours a week and this year I'm not really training for anything, but I'm just really pissed off at myself.  Nothing fits, I'm cranky, and I don't feel good.  So here I am again, planning, blogging, and attempting to mount an internal rebellion over my sweet tooth.  Wish me luck .....

In my favor is a goal and a compelling reason to want to achieve it.  Pretty much the only race I will be doing this year is the NYC marathon on November 1st.  I've done it twice before with completely unsatisfying results.  I swore I would not race it again until I could do so in under 5 hours (with a secret desire to race it under 4:30).  Lugging 30 extra pounds around for 26.2 miles is NOT going to help me achieve that goal.  There are some researchers that attrubute as much as a 5 sec per mile increase in speed for every 2 pounds shed.  If that is the case, I could drop more than a minute off my mile just by losing the weight.  Even if only 1/2 of that is true, I'd unload 13 milutes off my marathon time.  It really is a non-negotiable.  Lose the weight or defer the marathon AGAIN.

 I'm going to start (or re-start) the only way I know how . . . with drastic and immediate changes in my eating habits and my training schedule.  Not being a "small step" kind of person, I'm jumping in waist deep.  I do better with fewer options so i'm going to come up with a list of 3 breakfast choices, 3 lunch choices, 3 small snack options, and 3 basic dinner options.  I'll pick and choose, mix and match, but I will try not to deviate from them.  Since I am not putting in hard training hours, there is no reason to eat more than 1800 Kcal a day, that should put me at about a 600Kcal deficit per day and translate into roughly 1.5 - 2 pounds per week.  I'll add in calories as my marathon training begins in earnest.  The Marathon is 22 weeks away which will put me safely into my goal range of 130 pounds before I hit the starting line.

Today was a decent success.  Here is how my food day broke down:

	Grams	Calories	%-Cals
Calories		1,559
Fat	67.1	598	33	%
Saturated	13.0	115	6	%
Polyunsaturated	10.6	94	5	%
Monounsaturated	10.4	92	5	%
Carbohydrate	243.2	927	51	%
Dietary Fiber	37.7
Protein	78.7	306	17	%
Alcohol	0.0	0	0	%

Not bad for day one, actually a little short of my calorie goal. Ok now only 140 to go!

BTW this great information came from www.fitday.com check it out. It is a very powerful tracking tool (and FREE!)

Open Message to Kevin from the Super Runner's Shop

I just sent this email to Kevin from the Super Runner's Shop in Huntington.   

Hi Kevin,

I was in your store today with a tall attractive redhead, looking to buy her first pair of running shoes.  She's 42 and 18 months out from 6 rounds of chemotherapy for Lymphoma.  She is a newly minted survivor who chose to celebrate by running her first 1/2 marathon with TNT in the fall.  I'm telling you this because you made it a point to remark how big (read fat) she is to be a runner and how much horsepower she would need generate to move.  You did this in front of at least 10 people in the store.  You, Kevin, are a bonehead. 

Carolynn said to me walking back to the car, "Well I guess this will just become one of my running stories, kinda like the one you tell about the the time you went out and a carload of guys that yelled fat slurs at you."  My heart just broke.  She will never forget what you said to her.  Carolynn beat cancer and because of that I'm confident that she won't let your remarks distract her from her goal, however, not everyone that comes into your store will be so resilient.  I owe my current health to running and I was 40 pounds heavier when I started.  Had I experienced what Carolynn did today, I probably would have concluded you were right and gone home to eat my life away.

We won't be shopping at your store again and I won't be sending anyone I know there either.  Having said that, I know some time in the near future an overweight person with walk into your store looking to buy shoes.  For their sake, please don't be a bonehead.

Jennifer Rehm

Grilled Vegetables in Orange Balsamic sauce

This is a really simple but tasty dish, use any veggies you like to grill.  You can also use goat cheese if you prefer and serve over couscous instead of pita. Enjoy!

6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 tablespoons lemon juice (1 fresh lemon)

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 

1/2 teaspoon cheveril (optional)

Salt and pepper to taste 

1 large red onion, thickly sliced into rounds 

1 (1-pound) eggplant, cut into 1/2-inch thick slices 

2 medium zucchini or yellow squash, cut into 1/2-inch thick slices 

1 red bell pepper, cored, seeded and cut into 6 pieces 

1 small shallot, finely chopped 

1/2 cup orange juice

2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar

1/3 cup feta cheese crumbles 

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

fresh greek style pita (not the kind with the slit in the middle)

Method

Combine 1/4 cup of the oil, lemon juice, oregano and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Add onions, eggplant, zucchini and peppers and toss gently to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes, or up to 2 hours, or 10 minutes if that is all you have!

Preheat grill. Arrange marinated vegetables in a single layer on the grill and cook, flipping once, until tender and golden brown, about 10 minutes total. Transfer to a bowl and keep warm.  Tin foil is fine.

Meanwhile, heat 1 tablespoon of the remaining oil in a small saucepan over medium-high heat. Add shallots and cook, stirring occasionally, until translucent, about 3 minutes. Add orange juice and reduce liquid by half, 6 to 8 minutes. Add balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, then remove from the heat and set vinaigrette aside.  This sauce is amazing for anything! Pour sauce over bowl of grilled veggies.

Brush pita with EVOO an dset on the grill to toast. Portion veggies on to each pita. Generously sprinkle feta over veggie. EAT!

Portion veggies on each pita.

Enough

Enough.

I remember sitting at my desk on December 23^rd and looking at the conference table in my office. I had brought all of Carolynn's Christmas presents in to wrap them and they were on the table. I remember thinking, “Is it enough?” I pulled out a little hand written list of everything I wanted to get her and checked off the items one by one. We had a tight budget this year and there was no jewelry or vacation tickets in the pile. I looked up and again I though, “I hope it is enough.” With that I began to load my car and head home for the holiday.

The holiday was really nice, we had Carolynn's brother's family to our house for dinner. I was really excited to cook a fabulous meal for them. I had laid out an elaborate menu with stuffed shrimp, zucchini patties, fillet mignon, mushrooms, the works. Earlier in the week, Carolynn and I got into a stupid little argument over what I was cooking. I was the stupid one in that I got a little indignant because Carolynn suggested Kenny bring a menu item that I felt infringed on what I was planning to cook. It was really pathetic of me. The little uproar blew over as fast as it came and I found myself looking at the slightly smaller menu thinking, “Is this enough?”

I meticulously laid out my triathlon training schedule for 2009, leaving open the possibility of a late September Ironman. As I was going through the training weeks and building up the miles, I would stop and reflect, “Is this enough?” I anticipate joining some of my training friends on rides and runs, after all that social outlet is a big piece of the sport for me. I couldn't help but project my level of fitness at any given moment and wonder, “If it will be enough?” I built in 4 races before my A race, as I usually do and predictably considered, “Is that enough?”

Enough what?

Over the course of the last few weeks, I have thought about all of the times I use the phrase, “Is it enough?” I use it a lot and I began to realize that what I was really asking is, “Am I enough?” In every case, including my triathlon training the amount of something I was doing or planning seemed to directly correlate with my sense of self worth. Discovery is the first step to understanding. I understand that I have a long way to go when it comes to being satisfied with just being. I can conceptually explain the principles of attachment, suffering, and the absence of existence, but I can't seem to get it through my head the simple truth that, in all cases, places, and situations, I am enough.

Faux-Balance

There are 84 days between the Hyannis marathon and me.  My leg is back to 90% and I’m back to eating well.  I did not run today, but I’ll be ramping back up my running schedule this coming week.  I missed a scheduled 9 miler (not to mention a full week of running), but I’m confident with 12 weeks to go I can pull it off.  After Hyannis, there is Tupper Lake Tri, a handfull of training races, and then .... well, um .... 

I got the new triathlete magazine in the mail yesterday.  I read the article titled “Bookends” first.  It’s very short and talks about the fact that the same coach (Nick White) coached both the first finisher (Craig Alexander) and the very last finisher (Joe Marinucci).  Call me a sap, but I got very choked up reading the juxtaposition of the two men and they day at Kona.  I was equally moved by the fact that Crowie was at the finish line to cheer Joe in and signed his Ironman guide “To the other bookend, well done.”  Name one other sport where the world champion would cheer an average “Joe” on?  I also got very emotional because I thought, that could be me (I mean the one who finishes with only 103 seconds on the clock).  I can’t really put into words why I want to do an Ironman, but when I read a story like this, I feel so drawn to it, inspired by the thought of it.  It makes me feel like I can pretty much do anything.  I looked up at Carolynn and said, “Don’t ever let me give this up.”

As most trifolk, I constantly struggle with balance.  I don’t believe there is a state called balance, by the way, just our endless struggle for it.  It's as if Balance is a desirable thing anyway.  Balance is like a gray zone.  It is just like the imaginary line between cities on a map.  It's there in theory, but can you walk on it?  If you did manage to walk on it, where are you?  You would be nowhere, in neither city, a gray zone.  What makes that a good thing?  I've come to realize that the struggle I have with the idea of balance is more a struggle with presence of mind.

The one thing holding me back from signing up for the Chesapeakeman IM is the fear that I will not be able to keep up the training schedule.  I know that there are plenty of people that have more demanding jobs than I do and less time to devote.  I have a very understanding partner that gives me the latitude to do what I want to do, but how do I overcome the sense of guilt I feel when I step out the door for a 4 hour bike ride (or 5 or 6)?  There is something in my head that gets in the way of being able to separate and partition my time.  When I’m training, all I think about is being home (or occasionally work).  When I am at work or home, I think about training.  I’m obviously not in the moment in either place and consequently, I give off the perception that I would rather be elsewhere.  That’s the problem.  It's not balance, it's presence.  I don't need to learn balance, I need to learn how to be more present in the tasks I have at hand.  If I have set aside training time, I need to be training.  If I have set aside time to be home, I need to be home, both physically and mentally.  Easier said than done. 

A few pages after the “Bookends” article was a letter to the editor titled “Ironman Training and Avoiding Divorce”.  Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Timelines change, Dreams do not

So you may notice I have left my Kona Counter up to the right.  Do I think I can get there in 2009?  I don't know.  I do know that I will get there, so I left it up.

Life happens.  People get sick, injured.  Work demands change.  The stock market slides into the abyss.  So often people will abandon their dreams in amid the chaos of daily life.  When your circumstances change, the dreams and goals you set for yourself can seem like a pinpoint of light in the center of a huge black box.  Whether it is to be a millionaire or an Ironman, setbacks and obstacles are what make the end result that much more prized.  If it were easy, everyone would do it.  How we respond to setbacks and obstacles is what defines and exposes our true character.  

Don't flush your goals just because your timeline has been changed.  Look at it this way: Goals are like a life partner, you need to nurture, support, forgive, and be committed to them, regardless of what life throws at you.  I'll get to kona. Maybe in 2009, maybe in 2029.  My time line is flexible, my goal is not.

Buckeye outdoors - training plans

Hey!

Anyone use BuckeyeOutdoor to log and post training plans?  I'm going to give it a shot and post my first 4 weeks.  I think I can link it here.  

This week has been a total bust.  Work is incredibly busy and I missed my workout today (great week 1 and already behind!) but i am taking the time to really plan my next week.  I really want to do well in Hyannis and I know if i can stay honest and consistent, a 4:30 is in the bag.